I fall 

before you in wonder and awe

and I join

with the heavens declaring

that you are most high

you are my light

and you are the marvelous giver of life

I fall

This became my anthem for the Spring semester of my junior year of college.  I wanted to fall.  Yes the rest of the song is true, but the thing I clung to the most was the fall.  I wanted to jump back of the edge of the cliff and fall into God's arms.  But while in Magambua I began to listen to what God was trying to tell me.  Some huge threats in the little village were scorpions, centipedes and snakes.  These creatures are vile and disgusting but while worshiping one night God gave me a vision of a floor full of them in which I fell back on to.  That was it.  God was showing me what I had been asking for.  

I was praying for God to allow me to fall back to him.  Little did I realize that it didn't mean gracefully jumping back into nice fluffy clouds where God catches me in His warm embrace.  No.  God was showing me that sometimes it means actually falling... uncontrolled, unstable and un-ideal.  Yes falling back through all of your problems, all of your lies, all of your self-sufficiencies and all of your pride.  So this is where I am now... I think.  

I returned from Africa with Malaria, to find some friendships on the rocks, a 5 year relationship having some serious issues, my housing situation for college in shambles, and news of my Grandpa having cancer.  But as bad as all of those things seem when I zoom out I remember that God is good and therefore I'm good.  But looking at it I'm am realizing that God is just allowing me to fall.  To truly fall back through problems and pride and self-sufficiencies and land in Him.  Where I stand in wonder in all because I know he does not need me.  Yet he loves me.